Lincoln Woodard Part 1

I remember that fateful day. This is how my side of things went that day that Lincoln died.

I went to bed the previous night thinking to myself "something is going to happen tonight that is going to change my life forever." But i didn't think anything more of it. I woke up around 12:30 AM and i couldn't go back to sleep. I just kept thinking that something is wrong. I need to call Lincoln or Chrissy to make sure everything is ok. But i didn't make that phone call. I now regret not calling.

I finally fell asleep at around 1:30 again and i slept until about 5:00 AM and i just stayed up until i left for school. Before i left for school i thought to myself "i know that there is something wrong. Why am i going to school?"

The first period of the day i just though to to myself that there really is something wrong. When first period was done i thought to myself that i should go to the office and leave school, but instead i went to 2nd period. Maybe 20 minutes into the class i was pulled out by someone from the main office. I had no idea what was in store.

For some reason i thought that i was in trouble. The office lady kept looking at me like something was really wrong. When we made it to the office my uncle Travis was in there and said that we needed to go. So i followed.

When we made it outside of Pleasant Grove high school i asked Travis, "What is going on? What happened.?" I could tell that Travis didn't want to tell me right here but i was being so pushy that he really didn't have a choice.

The next words that came out of Travis' mouth changed my life forever. "Lincoln died last night." I was so caught off guard that i didn't know what to do.

I had made lunch plans with a few of my friends and my boyfriend. I immediately called Nathan and told him that my uncle Lincoln had died, and that i was not going to be able to be at lunch with everyone.

When i got in the car Lori was crying so hard. I still didn't know what to do. I asked if my mom had been called and lori didn't know. So i tried calling my mom but she did not answer. We were on our way to Lincoln and Chrissy's house.

This part is a little more scattered because i have blocked something from my mind plus everything happened so fast that i don't quite remember what happened first and what came next.

When we made it to Lincoln and Chrissy's house the first sounds that i heard was Chrissy crying so hard and just saying Lincoln's name over and over. I was just so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. I can't even tell you who was there at that point. I remember Grandpa Lonnie pulling up later.

I couldn't bring myself to go in the house. I knew that i was within 10 feet of his body and it was just too much to bear. I tried calling my mom again and this time she answered. Luckily someone else had told her. I don't know if i could have brought myself to the point where i could have told her.

To be continued

Acne

So the cute little guy looks like he is a teenager with all of his little acne. It makes me feel so bad for him.

I have also started to feel like i am back in high school with all of my acne too. But what can you do when there are about 3 times the usual amounts of hormones going through your body.

I guess its just another joy of being a mother. lol

Sleep Deprived

So this little bundle of joy is keeping me awake at night. It doesn't matter if he is sleeping i am awake making sure that he is still breathing. So i am up a good amount of the night every night just to make sure he is ok.

Yay motherhood.

Elijah Lincoln Davis

On Saturday morning at 12:27 AM i gave birth to Elijah Lincoln Davis. He was 8lbs. 3oz. He was 20 in. long. He has been a really good baby so far.

I know that i have not posted in a long time but it is kinda hard when you are really just not feeling well and not wanting to do anything.

We are all doing very well.

My Dad's Blog

My father is writing a blog series thing that tells the story of him coming out and saying to the world that he is gay. In each post recently it has gotten harder for me to read. Not because I don't want to hear the story, but it is so hard to relive every thing. There are things that I remember that I don't think that I ever told him.

I am not scolding him in any way for writing his story. In fact I am doing the opposite. I want him to keep writing, but that doesn't make it any easier to read of course. This is why I haven't posted any comments on his blog. There is so much I want to say, but I don't think it would be the smartest thing for me to do.

For those of you who do not read my dad's blog and are really confused about what the hell is going on here is link

And I know that my dad is eventually going to read this. So I am saying this here, I love you and don't worry just keep writing your story. There are so many people out there that need to here your story, I just hope that those people are able to do just that. Find your story in some way.

My birthing dreams

So on a happier note I am officially due in 12 weeks. If you do not already know it is going to be a boy. His name is going to be Elijah Davis. His middle name is for me to know and you all to find out once he is born. I know it is probably mean of me, but I have to keep a little to myself until 12 weeks from now, or whenever he decides it is time to come out of me.

So last night or the night before that I had a birthing dream. And this is the funniest one yet, so to start the dream:

I was having minor contractions so I called my mom. She told me she would be there in five minutes. Which is kind of strange since she lives about 5 hours away. Anyways she brought Rennen and Dennis with her. Right as she got there my water broke so we rushed to the hospital and when we got there Jason, Giancarlo and the whole gang was there.

I got all checked in and what not and the nurse says to me, well since you are only 4 centimeters dialated, you can go down the hall to our dance class. Well my husband was the one that drug me to the class and it so happens that in that class there was his brother Aaron, our friends Cheryl, Sean, and Stephen, and they were teaching the class. Well after going in the room we decided to go back to my room.

When we got back pumpkin and patches were there. They were in there bed waiting for us and of course if you know these dogs they were jumping all over Nathan and I to greet us. Well my my mom also has a dog and her name is Gracie. I asked my mom where Gracie was and for some reason she left her in the car.

So then I guess it was time to check to see how dialated I was at that point and by this time I was 8 centimeters dialated and 100% effaced (I think that is the word, but probably not.) So they got me all ready for the birthing process and so everyone, but Nathan, Claire (my mom), Amelia, Dennis, Giancarlo, and Jason were taken out of the room.

And if you have heard my other dreams of what happens when he is born you know that for some reason Dennis was drinking his beer, Giancarlo is passed out on the ground, Jason is writing a blog, and Nathan is not sure what to do, Claire is telling me to push, and Amelia was just standing there with her mouth wide open.

Well Nathan doesn't want to cut the cord, so he hands the scissors to Amelia and she cuts the cord.

This all happened in this dream too. And that is the end for now. Who knows what will happen in my next birthing dream.

Ok, don't ask me why I am having these weird dreams because I have no idea. Everyone is just a little different, but this past dream I think is the strangest of them all. I really have no idea where it came from.

No title to describe this post

I feel like I am being a nuisance to everyone that I come in contact with. I don't know what I do to cause it, but it seems to always happens. I guess that is part of the reason that I haven't posted in such a long time.

I try my best to not annoy or be a problem to anyone else, but lately it seems that is the only thing that I am good at.

This has not been the best couple years for me. Being a trouble maker my sophomore year of high school and being sent to live with Ron (my biological father). Living in a three bedroom house that you could barely walk through the doorways in with 5 other people and them not wanting to be anywhere near you or talk to you is not the funnest experience.

And being forced into going back into the LDS church with no choice in the matter is not that great either. Nothing against the people, but it is just not for me at this point in time. Maybe once I come to terms with some things I will be able to go back, but not until then.

Anyways then being under house arrest because of me doing some more things that are stupid. And the only real reason that I did do those things is so that I could breathe something other than hatred that was directed at me for a year and a half almost two years. It felt like no one understood what I was going through, or the sense of the positive attention that I needed from some one that could treat me like a daughter.

The whole two years that I lived with Ron and Kim were some of the most painful years in my teens so far. There was no complementing me on my grades and how good I was doing in one class or the other. They only focused on the negative. Why I failed a test. Why I have to do this. You need to do that. I think in that amount of time that I lived with them I got a total of one positive comment and it was from Ron who said to me "The only good that has happened this year is you moving in with us." Which in a way is not a positive comment to me it was what made him happy. And what made his year.

I asked my mom for a long time if I could move back with her and through it all she just told me that I had to stay there and that was my home now. Yes I did always have a roof over my head when I lived there, but when it came to anything else I was at the bottom of the food chain. I believe that my step-mother thought of me as the something that she had to deal with and that I didn't belong in her house.

I did my best to try and get to know these people and I don't say this in a mean way its just what they are to me, people/acquaintances. But I do believe that they caused me more hurt in the long run than any good.

The only reason that I am writing this is so I can feel like I can breathe again. I have been holding this in since it all started in June of 2005 till March of 2007. I think that it is time to let it go and this is the best way that I knew how.

I am not trying to offend anyone by this post and if you would rather send me an e-mail than post a comment my e-mail address is subarufann@hotmail.com